After 15 years of trying to establish a relationship with my in-laws, I recently decided to sever my contact with them. They have been deceptive and talk about me to my husband in whispers behind my back. I understand his loyalty to his family, but I strongly feel that continuing to deny that their behavior is unhealthy is unhealthy for me. Being forced to see them makes me physically ill.
어떻게 하면 제가 동참하지 않아도 제 남편이 시부모님과 관계를 유지할 수 있다는 것을 알 수 있게 도와줄 수 있나요? - 애리조나 주에서 다 끝난 독자
How can I help my husband see that he can have a relationship with his parents without my participation? - I'M DONE, IN ARIZONA
[Advice]
다 끝나신 독자님께: 시부모님을 피하는 것은 해답이 아니에요. 만일 종전에 남편께서 시부모님께 맞선 적도, 독자님 편을 들어준 적도 없었다면, 독자님의 결혼 생활이 문제가 있는 것입니다. 시부모님이 해온 행동들이 며느리를 약화시키고 자신의 결혼 생활을 방해하고 있다는 것을 남편께서 깨달을 수 있게 도와줄 수 있는 공인된 결혼 상담원을 찾으세요. 그리고 나서 남편께서 문제를 시정할 만큼 굳세 힘을 갖도록 행운을 빌어주시기 바랍니다.
DEAR DONE: Avoiding your in-laws isn't the answer. If your husband hasn't stood up to his parents and sided with you before now, your marriage is in trouble. Find a licensed marriage counselor who can "help" him realize that what his parents have been doing is undercutting his wife and sabotaging his marriage. Then cross your fingers that he's strong enough to do something to correct it.
[어휘 & 표현]
* deceptive 기만적인, 현혹하는 (= deliberately intended to make someone believe something that is not true)
e.g.) This behavior is deceptive and disingenuous. 이러한 행동은 기만적이고 솔직하지 못하다.
* in whispers 소곤소곤, 수군수군, 나직나직, 숙덕숙덕 (= with a very quiet voice)
e.g.) They talked in whispers among them-selves when they saw me. 그들은 나를 보더니 자기들끼리 뭐라고 수군거렸다.
* stand up to somebody ~에게 저항하다[맞서다] (= to refuse to accept unfair treatment from a person or organization)
e.g.) It was brave of her to stand up to those bullies. 사람을 괴롭히는 그런 녀석들에게 맞서다니 그녀는 용감했다.
* undercut 약화시키다 (= to make someone's work, plans etc. not be successful or effective)
e.g.) Some members of the board were trying to undercut the chairman's authority.
이사진의 구성원들 중 일부가 의장의 권위를 약화시키려는 시도를 하고 있었다.
* cross your fingers (검지와 중지를 겹치며) 행운을 빌다[성공을 기원하다]
(= to hope that something will be successful; wish somebody good luck)
e.g.) I'm crossing my fingers that my proposal will be accepted. 나는 내 제안서가 받아들여지길 기원하고 있다.