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[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-051) Mom regrets she has stayed in abusive marriage too long
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  18-11-19 10:02
Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù. 

[Problem]

¡®ÀڽĵéÀ» À§ÇØ¡¯ ±×¸®°í ³²ÆíÀÌ ¹«¼­¿ö¼­ ±×¸¦ ¶°³ªÁö ¸øÇÏ´Â Àú¸¦ Á¦°¡ ¾î¶»°Ô ¿ë¼­ÇÏÁö¿ä? ÀúÈñ ¾ÆÀ̵éÀº 10´ëÀε¥ µÑ ´Ù ³·Àº ÀÚÁ¸°¨°ú ¿ì¿ïÁõ¿¡ ½Ã´Þ¸®°í ÀÖ¾î¿ä. ¾ÆÀ̵éÀÌ ÀÚ¶ö ¶§ ¾î¶² °¡Á·µé°úµµ ¸Ö¸® ¶³¾îÁ® »ì¾ÒÀ¸¸ç, Àú´Â ÀçÁ¤ÀûÀ¸·Î ³²Æí¿¡ ÀÇÁ¸ÇÏ°í °ÌÀ» ¸Ô¾ú½À´Ï´Ù. ÀÌÁ¦ Àú´Â ÀÌ°ÍÀÌ ¿Ã¹Ù¸¥ ÇൿÀÌ ¾Æ´Ï¾ú´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ±ú´Ý½À´Ï´Ù.  
How do I forgive myself for staying with my husband "for the sake of the kids" and because I was afraid of him? Our children are teenagers now and both suffer from low self-esteem and depression. We lived far away from any family while they were growing up, and I was financially dependent and scared. I realize now that it wasn't the right thing to do.

³²ÆíÀº ´õ Àß Çغ¸·Á°í ÇÏÁö¸¸, ÇÇÇØ´Â ÀÌ¹Ì ¹ß»ýÇß¾î¿ä. ÀúÈñ ¾ÆÀ̵é°ú ¾Æºü »çÀÌÀÇ °ü°è´Â ¾ÆÁÖ ±äÀåµÈ »óÅÂÀÔ´Ï´Ù. Àú´Â ¾î¶»°Ô ³ª¾Æ°¡¾ß ÇÒÁö ¸ð¸£°Ú¾î¿ä. Á¶¾ð Á» Áֽðھî¿ä? - À§½ÅÄܽŠÁÖ¿¡¼­ °íÅë ¹Þ°í ÀÖ´Â µ¶ÀÚ   
My husband is trying to do better, but the damage is done. The relationship between our children and their dad is very strained. I don't know how to move forward. Any advice? - IN PAIN IN WISCONSIN

[Advice]

°íÅë ¹Þ°í °è½Å µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²: ¾ÆÀ̵éÀ» µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀÇ ³²Æí²²¼­ ¾ß±âÇÑ ÇÇÇطκÎÅÍ Ä¡À¯ÇÏ´Â ±æÀº µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ¾ÆÀ̵éÀÌ °øÀÎµÈ °¡Á¤ »ó´ã Àü¹®°¡¿Í ´ëÈ­¸¦ ³ª´©µµ·Ï ÁÖ¼±ÇϽô °ÍÀÌ µÉ °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. 
DEAR IN PAIN: A way for your children to heal some of the damage your husband has caused would be for you to arrange for them to talk with a licensed family counselor.

µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ³ª¾Æ°¡½Ç ±æÀº ÀÏÀÚ¸®¸¦ ±¸ÇϽðí, ¾ÆÀ̵éÀ» µ¥¸®°í µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀ» ÇдëÇÏ´Â »ç¶÷°ú ¶³¾îÁ® »ç´Â °ÍÀÌ µÉ °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ÀÌ¹Ì ±×·¸°Ô ÇÏÁö ¾ÊÀ¸¼Ì°í, ³²Æí²²¼­ Æø·ÂÀûÀÌ µÉÁö ¸ô¶ó ¿©ÀüÈ÷ µÎ·Á¿ì½Ã´Ù¸é, Àü±¹ °¡Á¤ Æø·Â ±ä±Þ ÀüÈ­(ÀÎÅÍ³Ý ÁÖ¼Ò: thehotline.org, ÀüÈ­: 800-799-7233)·Î ¿¬¶ôÇϽþî Å»Ãâ °èȹÀ» ¼¼¿ì´Â µ¥ µµ¿òÀ» ¿äûÇϽñ⠹ٶø´Ï´Ù.
A way for you to move forward would be to find a job, take your kids and live apart from your abuser. If you haven't already done that, and you are still afraid he might be violent, then you should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org, 800-799-7233) and ask for help in formulating an escape plan.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* The damage is done ÇÇÇØ´Â ÀÌ¹Ì ¹ß»ýÇß´Ù(¼Ò±ÞÇÏ¿© ¿¹¹æÀÌ ºÒ°¡´ÉÇÏ´Ù´Â ÀǹÌ) 
(= The harm has occurred, and nothing can be done to prevent it now; it might have been preventable, 
but cannot be prevented retroactively)