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WTS ½ÃÇ躸±â
[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-001) ¡®Don¡¯t ask, don¡¯t tell¡¯
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  16-04-24 12:58


Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù.

[Problem]

Á¦°¡ 10´ëÀÏ ¶§ ¿ì¿ïÁõ Áø´ÜÀ» ¹Þ°í ÀÚ»ìÀ» ½ÃµµÇؼ­ º¸È£ ½Ã¼³·Î º¸³»Á³½À´Ï´Ù. ¿ì¿ïÁõÀº ¸ÅÀÏ Á¦°¡ ¾È°í »ç´Â °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ºÒÇàÇÏ°Ôµµ ÀúÀÇ ºÎ¸ð´Ô°ú ÇüÁ¦µéÀº °¨Á¤À» ÀÚ±ØÇÒ ¸¸ÇÑ ÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­´Â ¡°¹¯Áö¸¶, ¸»ÇÏÁö ¸¶¡± ÁÖÀÇ·Î ³ª°©´Ï´Ù. Àú´Â ±×·± °ÍÀÌ ÀúÀÇ Çູ¿¡ ÇØ°¡ µÈ´Ù°í ¿©±é´Ï´Ù.
During my teens, I was diagnosed with depression and institutionalized following a suicide attempt. Depression is something I live with daily. Unfortunately, my parents and siblings have a ¡°don¡¯t ask, don¡¯t tell¡± policy when it comes to anything that may stir up emotions. I feel that it¡¯s detrimental to my well-being.

ÀúÀÇ ´ã´ç Àǻ粲¼­´Â Á¦ »ýÈ°¿¡¼­ °¡Á·À» ¹èÁ¦Ç϶ó°í ±ÇÇϼ̽À´Ï´Ù. °¡Á·À» ´ëÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÌ Àú¿¡°Ô´Â Å« °ÆÁ¤°Å¸®ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ÀúÀÇ ¾î¸Ó´Ï´Â Á¦°¡ ÀÚ»ìÀ» ±âµµÇÑ ÀûÀÌ ÀÖ´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ºÎÀÎÇÏ°í ÀÖ°í Á¶Á¾ÀÇ ´ÞÀÎÀ̽øç ÀúÀÇ ÀÏ°¡ ģôµé¿¡°Ô(±×µé Áß »ó´ç ¼ö´Â Àú¿Í ¾î¿ï·Á Áö³»´Âµ¥) Á¦°¡ ¡®°¡Á·À» ¹ö·È´Ù¡¯°í ¸»¾¸ÇÏ½Ç±î ºÁ µÎ·Æ½À´Ï´Ù.
My doctor has suggested cutting my family out of my life. Dealing with them gives me great anxiety. My mother is a master manipulator who denies my suicide attempt ever happened, and I¡¯m afraid she will tell my extended family members (many of whom I have relationships with) that I have ¡°abandoned the family.

ÀúÀÇ °¡Á· ¿Ü¿¡´Â ÀúÀÇ ¿ì¿ïÁõÀ̳ª ÀÚ»ì ±âµµ¸¦ ¾Æ´Â »ç¶÷ÀÌ ¾Æ¹«µµ ¾ø°í Á¦ ÇൿÀ» ¿ËÈ£Çϱâ À§ÇØ ÇÏ´Â ¼ö ¾øÀÌ Á¦ Àλý¿¡¼­ ¾ÆÁÖ »çÀûÀÎ ºÎºÐÀ» µå·¯³»°Ô µÉÁöµµ ¸ð¸¥´Ù´Â ±âºÐÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ¾î¶»°Ô ÇØ¾ß ÇÒÁö ¸ð¸£°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.
¡±No one outside my immediate family knows about my depression or suicide attempt, and I feel I may be forced to reveal that very private part of my life in order to defend my actions. I don¡¯t know what to do.

µå·¯³»±â¸¦ ÁÖÀúÇÏ´Â »ç¶÷
RELUCTANT TO REVEAL

[Advice]

µå·¯³»±â¸¦ ÁÖÀúÇϽô µ¶ÀÚ ºÐ²²: Á¦ »ý°¢À¸·Î´Â ÀÇ»ç ¼±»ý´ÔÀÇ ±ÇÀ¯¸¦ µû¸£¼Å¾ß ÇÏ°í °Ì¸ÔÀ» ÇÊ¿ä°¡ ¾øÀ¸½Ã´Ù°í º¾´Ï´Ù. µ¶ÀÚ ºÐÀº ¿ì¿ïÁõÀ̶ó´Â º´À» ¾Î°í °è½Ã´Âµ¥ Áúº´ ¿¹¹æ ¼¾ÅÍ¿¡ µû¸£¸é ¹Ì±¹ Àα¸ Áß ¾à 9ÆÛ¼¾Æ®°¡ °¡Áö°í ÀÖ´Â º´ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ºÎ²ô·¯¿öÇÏ½Ç ÀÏÀÌ °áÄÚ ¾Æ´Õ´Ï´Ù.
I think you should follow your doctor¡¯s advice and not be intimidated. You have an illness ¡ª depression ¡ª that, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is shared by about 9 percent of our population. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

µ¶ÀÚ ºÐÀº ¾î¸Ó´Ô²²¼­ ¸»¾¸ÇÏ½Ç±î ºÁ °ÆÁ¤ÇÏ°í °è½Ã±â ¶§¹®¿¡ µ¶ÀÚ ºÐÀÌ Ä£ÇÏ´Ù°í ¿©±â´Â ģô ºÐµé²²´Â µ¶ÀÚ ºÐÀÌ ÇØ¾ß ÇÒ ÀÏÀÌ ¹«¾ùÀÌ¸ç ¿Ö ±×·±Áö ¼³¸íÇØ ÁÖ¼¼¿ä. µ¶ÀÚ ºÐÀÇ ¼³¸íÀ» µéÀº ģô ºÐµé Áß¿¡¼­ ¸î ºÐÀÌ µ¶ÀÚ ºÐÀ» µÎµÐÇÏÁö ¾ÊÀ»Áö´Â Àå´ãÇÒ ¼ö ¾øÁö¸¸ ¸ðµÎ ´Ù ±×·¸Áö´Â ¾Ê´Ù°í ¹Ï½À´Ï´Ù. ¼­±ÛÇÁ°Ôµµ ¸ðµç °¡Á¤ÀÌ ´Ù Á¦ ±¸½ÇÀ» ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº ¾Æ´Õ´Ï´Ù. ¸ðµç ºÎ¸ð°¡ ´Ù ÁÁÀº ºÎ¸ð´Â ¾Æ´Ï¸ç ¾î¶² ºÎ¸ðµéÀº À¯ÇØÇϱ⵵ ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
Because you¡¯re afraid of what your mother will say, explain to those relatives you feel close to what you need to do and the reasons for it. I can¡¯t guarantee that some of them won¡¯t take sides, but I¡¯m sure not all of them will. Sadly, not all families are functional. Not all parents are good parents, and some of them are toxic.

Ãß½Å, µ¶ÀÚ ºÐ²²¼­ ¿ì¿ïÁõ°ú ½Î¿ì°í °è½Ã±â ¶§¹®¿¡ ½É¸®Ä¡·á»çÀÇ Áø·á¸¦ °è¼ÓÇؼ­ ¹ÞÀ¸½Ã±â¸¦ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù. ¾Æ´Ï½Ã¶ó¸é Çѹø °í·ÁÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
P.S. Because your struggle with depression is ongoing, I hope you are still under the care of a psychotherapist. If you¡¯re not, please consider it.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* diagnose (Áúº´, ¹®Á¦ÀÇ ¿øÀÎ µîÀ») Áø´ÜÇÏ´Ù
* institutionalize (Á¤»óÀûÀÎ »ýÈ°À» ÇÒ ¼ö ¾ø´Â »ç¶÷À») º¸È£ ½Ã¼³¿¡ º¸³»´Ù, Á¦µµÈ­ÇÏ´Ù
* sibling µ¿±â, ÇüÁ¦ ÀÚ¸Å
* detrimental Çطοî, ~ to sb/sth: ~¿¡ Çطοî
* manipulator (ÈçÈ÷ ±³¹¦ÇÏ°í ºÎÁ¤Á÷ÇÏ°Ô »ç¶÷?»ç¹°À») Á¶Á¾ÇÏ´Â µ¥ ´ÉÇÑ »ç¶÷
* cut somebody out (of something) ~¸¦ (~¿¡¼­) ¹èÁ¦ÇÏ´Ù
e.g.) Don¡¯t cut your parents out of your lives. ´ç½ÅµéÀÇ »ýÈ°¿¡¼­ ºÎ¸ð´ÔÀ» ¹èÁ¦ÇÏÁö ¸¶¼¼¿ä.
* reluctant ²¨¸®´Â, ÁÖÀúÁÖÀúÇÏ´Â, ¸¶Áö¸øÇØÇÏ´Â
* psychotherapist ½É¸®Ä¡·á»ç