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[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-046) Finding the right words can mean saying nothing at all
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  18-03-04 09:05
Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù. 16-05-16

[Problem]

Àú´Â ¼±»ý´ÔÀÇ Ä®·³¿¡¼­ ´Ù¸¥ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ »çº°°ú ¾Öµµ¿¡ °üÇÏ¿© ¹«°¨°¢ÇÏ°í, ¹è·Á½É ¾ø´Â ¸»À» ÇÏ´Â µ¥ °üÇÑ ÆíÁö¸¦ ÀÐÀº ÀûÀÌ ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù. ±×·¸Áö¸¸ Á¦ °æÇèÀ¸·Î´Â ¾Æ¹«µµ ²À ¸Â´Â ¸¶¶¥ÇÑ ¸»À» Àý´ë·Î ÇÒ ¼ö ¾ø¾î¿ä. ¾Öµµ¿¡´Â ¸î ´Ü°è°¡ Àִµ¥, À¯Á·ÀÌ ¾î´À ´Ü°è¿¡ À̸£·¶´ÂÁö ´Ù¸¥ »ç¶÷Àº °áÄÚ ¾Ë ¼ö ¾ø½À´Ï´Ù. ±×·¯¹Ç·Î, ¾î¶°ÇÑ ³í±Þµµ ´ë°³´Â À߸øµÉ °¡´É¼ºÀÌ ÀÖ´Â °Ì´Ï´Ù.
I have seen letters in your column about insensitive, thoughtless remarks made by others about loss and grief. It has been my experience, though, that no one can ever say just the right thing. There are several stages of grief, and one never knows for sure which level the bereaved has reached. Therefore, any comment will most likely be the wrong one.

Á¦°¡ µå¸± Á¶¾ðÀº ¾î¶»°Ô ¸» ÇÒÁö ¾Ë ¼ö ¾ø´Ù¸é, ºÐ¸íÇÑ °Í, Áï ¡°¾Æ, ¹¹¶ó°í ¸»¾¸ µå·Á¾ß ÇÒÁö ¸ð¸£°Ú½À´Ï´Ù¡± ¶ó°í ¸»ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÌ¿¡¿ä. »ó´ë¹æÀÇ ¼ÕÀ» °¡º±°Ô ÀâÀ¸½Ê½Ã¿À. »ó´ë¹æÀÌ ¸ÕÀú Çã±×¸¦ ÇÏÁö ¾ÊÀ¸¸é ÇÏÁö ¸¶¼¼¿ä. ¾ÖµµÇÏ´Â »ç¶÷À¸·ÎºÎÅÍ ´Ü¼­¸¦ ÀâÀ¸¼¼¿ä. ÇÏÁö¸¸, ¡°±×ºÐÀº ´õ ÁÁÀº °÷¿¡ °è¼Å¿ä¡±¶óµç°¡ ¡°¾Æ¸¶ ±×°ÍÀÌ ÃÖ¼±ÀÎ °Í °°¾Æ¿ä.¡±¶óµç°¡ ¡°±×´Â Á¤¸» °íÅëÀÌ ½ÉÇϼ̾î¿ä.¡± ¶ó°í ¸»ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº À߸øÀÔ´Ï´Ù. À¯Á·Àº ±×·¯ÇÑ ¸»À» ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖÁö¸¸, ¿©·¯ºÐµéÀÌ ±×·¸°Ô ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº ÆÇ´ÜÀ» ³»¸®´Â °Íó·³ º¸À̰ŵç¿ä.
My advice is if you don't know what to say, state the obvious ¦¡ "Gee, I don't know what to say." Hold the person's hand briefly. Don't hug unless initiated. Take your cue from the person grieving. But remarking, "He's in a better place," "It's probably for the best," or "He was in so much pain" is wrong. The bereaved can say these things, but for you to do so seems like passing judgment.

¡°¹¹¶ó°í ¸»¾¸ µå·Á¾ß ÇÒÁö ¸ð¸£°Ú½À´Ï´Ù¡±¶ó´Â ¸»Àº ÀÌÈ¥À̳ª, °áº°À̳ª ¹«½¼ Àç³­À̵ç È¿°ú°¡ ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù. ÀÌ ¸»Àº Àú¿¡°Ô ¼öµµ ¾øÀÌ Àß ÅëÇß½À´Ï´Ù. Àú´Â ¸ð¿åÀûÀÎ ¾ð»ç´Â ÀÏü ÇÏÁö ¾Ê¾ÒÀ¸¸ç, Ä£±¸µéÀ̳ª ģôµé¿¡°Ô °¨Á¤À» ºÐÃâÇϵµ·Ï ¸¶À½ÀÇ ¹®À» ¿­¾î µÎ¾ú½À´Ï´Ù. Á¦ °æÇèÀÌ ´©±º°¡¿¡°Ô µµ¿òÀÌ µÇ±â¸¦ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù. - ¼­ºÎ¿¡¼­ ¿Ü±³ÀûÀ¸·Î ¸»ÇÏ´Â µ¶ÀÚ
"I don't know what to say" works for divorce, breakups or any catastrophic event. It has worked for me countless times. I have said nothing offensive, but left the door open for the friend or relative to engage in some much-needed venting. I hope my experience helps someone. - DIPLOMATIC OUT WEST

[Advice]

¿Ü±³ÀûÀ̽Šµ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²: ÈǸ¢ÇÑ ¸»¾¸ÀÔ´Ï´Ù. µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀ̾߸»·Î ¿Ü±³¿¡ ´ÉÇϽŠºÐÀ̼¼¿ä.
DEAR DIPLOMATIC: Well said. You are indeed a diplomat.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* gee (ƯÈ÷ Ú¸) (³î¶÷, °¨ÅºÀ» ³ªÅ¸³»¾î) ¾ß[¿Í]; (Â¥Áõ½º·¯¿òÀ» ³ªÅ¸³»¾î) ¿¡ÀÌ[ÀÌ·±] 
e.g.) Gee, what a great idea! ¾ß, ±â°¡ ¸·Èù »ý°¢À̾ß!

* pass[give] judgment on[upon, about] ~ ; ~¿¡ ´ëÇØ Àç´Ü[ÀÇ°ß, ÆÇ°á]À» ³»¸®´Ù 
(= give your opinion about somebody/something, especially if this is critical)
e.g.) They won't pass judgment on their friends or family. ±×µéÀº Ä£±¸³ª °¡Á·¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­´Â ÀÇ°ßÀ» ¸»ÇÏÁö ¾ÊÀ» °ÍÀÌ´Ù.