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[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-062) Husband wants long-lost sister to remain that way
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  19-04-06 10:05
Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù.

[Problem]

Á¦ ³²Æí°ú ±×ÀÌÀÇ ¿©µ¿»ýÀº À§Å¹¾çÀ°½Ã¼³¿¡¼­ ÇèÇÑ ¾î¸° ½ÃÀýÀ» º¸³Â½À´Ï´Ù. °£´ÜÈ÷ ¸»Çϸé ÀÌ ³²¸Å´Â 10³â µ¿¾È, ±×¸®°í Áö±Ý±îÁöµµ ¿¬¶ôÀÌ ²÷°å½À´Ï´Ù. ±×³à°¡ ÆäÀ̽º ºÏ¿¡¼­ ÀúÈñ¸¦ º¸°í´Â ¿Àºü¸¦ ¹ß°ßÇÑ °ÍÀÌ ¾Æ´ÑÁö °£ÀýÈ÷ ¾Ë°í ½Í¾îÇß¾î¿ä. ³²ÆíÀº ±×³à¸¦ ¹«½ÃÇß½À´Ï´Ù. ±×´Â ¿©µ¿»ý°úÀÇ °ü°è¸¦ ´Ù½Ã ±¸ÃàÇϱ⸦ ¿øÇϱâ¶óµµ ÇÏ´Â °ÍÀÎÁö È®½ÅÇÏÁö ¸øÇØ¿ä.  My husband and his sister had a rough childhood in foster care. Long story short, they lost contact for 10 years ¦¡ until now. She found us on Facebook and was desperate to know if she had found her brother or not. My husband ignored her. He isn't sure he ever wants to rebuild a relationship with her.

Àú´Â ±×°ÍÀÌ ³²ÆíÀÌ ³»¸± °áÁ¤À̶ó´Â °É ¾Ë¾Æ¿ä. ±×¸®°í ³²ÆíÀÌ ÀÚ½ÅÀÇ »î¿¡¼­ ¿©µ¿»ýÀ» ¿øÄ¡ ¾Ê´Â´Ù¸é, ±¦Âú¾Æ¿ä. ÇÏÁö¸¸ Àú¸¶Àú ±×³à¸¦ ¹«½ÃÇÑ´Ù¸é Àú´Â ÁËÃ¥°¨À¸·Î »ì ¼ö ¾øÀ» °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ±×·¡¼­ Á¦°¡ ±×³à¿¡°Ô ¸»Çß¾î¿ä. ±×³à´Â ¾î´À Á¤µµ ÀÏÀÌ Á¾°áµÇ¾î¼­ ±×¸®°í ¿Àºü°¡ Àß Áö³»°í ÀÖ´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ¾Ë°Ô µÇ¾î °í¸¶¿öÇß½À´Ï´Ù. ±×¸®°í ¿Àºü°¡ Àڱ⿡°Ô Á¢±ÙÇÏÁö ¾Ê´Â ÇÑ Àڱ⵵ ´Ù½Ã ¿¬¶ôÇÏÁö ¾Ê°Ú´Ù°í Àú¸¦ ¾È½É½ÃÄ×½À´Ï´Ù. ºñ·Ï ³²¸Å°¡ °áÄÚ ´Ù½Ã ´ëÈ­¸¦ ³ª´©Áö ¾ÊÀ»Áö¶óµµ Àú´Â ±×³à°¡ ¿Àºü¸¦ ã¾Ò¾ú´Ù´Â »ç½ÇÀ» ¾Ë ¸¸ÇÑ ÀÚ°ÝÀÌ ÀÖ¾ú´Ù°í »ý°¢ÇØ¿ä.  
I know that's his decision to make, and if he doesn't want her in his life, that's fine. But I couldn't live with myself if I ignored her, too. I just wanted her to know she could stop looking and wondering if her brother is still alive. So I told her. She was grateful to have some closure and know that he is doing well, and she reassured me that she wouldn't contact him again unless he reaches out to her. Even if they never talk again, I think she deserved to know she had found him.

Àú´Â Áö±Ý ³²ÆíÀ» ¼Ó¿´´Ù´Â °Í°ú Àú¿Í »ó°ü ¾ø´Â ÀÏ¿¡ Âü°ßÇß´Ù´Â °Í¿¡ ´ëÇØ ÁËÃ¥°¨ÀÌ µé¾î¿ä. ÇÏÁö¸¸ ´©±º°¡°¡ Àú¿¡°Ô ¼ÖÁ÷ÇÏ°Ô ¸»ÇØÁÖ¾î ¸¶À½ÀÇ ÆòÈ­¸¦ ÁÙ ¼öµµ ÀÖ´Â ½ÃÁ¡¿¡¼­ °¡Á·À» ã´Â ÀÏ¿¡ ÀúÀÇ Àü »ý¾Ö¸¦ º¸³½´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» Àú´Â »ó»óÇÒ ¼ö ¾ø½À´Ï´Ù. Á¦°¡ ²ûÂïÇÑ ½Ç¼ö¸¦ ÀúÁú·¶³ª¿ä? ±×¸®°í Á¦°¡ ÇÑ Çൿ¿¡ ´ëÇØ Á¦ ³²Æí¿¡°Ô ¼ÖÁ÷ÇÏ°Ô Åоî³õ¾Æ¾ß Çϳª¿ä? - Á¶Áö¾Æ ÁÖ¿¡¼­ ÁËÃ¥°¨À» ´À³¢´Â µ¶ÀÚ 
Now I feel guilty for going behind his back and meddling in things that aren't my business. But I can't imagine spending my whole life searching for a family member, when someone could have been honest with me and given me peace of mind. Did I make a terrible mistake, and should I come clean to my husband about what I did? - FEELING GUILTY IN GEORGIA

[Advice]

ÁËÃ¥°¨À» ´À³¢´Â µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²: µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀº ³²Æí²²¼­ ¿©µ¿»ý°úÀÇ °ü°è¸¦ ´Ù½Ã ±¸ÃàÇÏ´Â °ÍÀ» ÁÖÀúÇϽô µ¥ ´ëÇÑ ÀÌÀ¯¸¦ ¾ð±ÞÇÏÁö ¾ÊÀ¸¼Ì¾î¿ä. ÀÌÁ¦ ±×³à°¡ µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀ» ÆäÀ̽º ºÏ¿¡¼­ ¾Ë°Ô µÇ¾úÀ¸´Ï µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ±×³à¸¦ Â÷´ÜÇÏÁö ¾Ê´Â ÇÑ, ³²ÆíºÐÀÇ ¸ðµç »ýÈ°À» ÃßÀûÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù. µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ²ûÂïÇÑ ½Ç¼ö¸¦ ÀúÁö¸£¼Ì´ÂÁö´Â µÎ°í º¸¾Æ¾ß ÇÕ´Ï´Ù. ¸¸¾à ¿©µ¿»ýÀÌ ³²ÆíºÐ°ú ´Ù½Ã ¿¬¶ôÀ» ÃëÇÑ´Ù¸é, µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ÇϽŠÀÏÀ» ³²Æí²² ¸»¾¸ µå·Á¾ß ÇÒ °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ³²Æí²²¼­´Â ÀÚ½ÅÀÇ »ç»ýÈ°À» º¸È£Çϱ⸦ ¿øÇϼ̴ÂÁöµµ ¸ð¸¨´Ï´Ù. ±×³à°¡ ´Ù½Ã Á¢ÃËÇÏÁö ¾Ê´Â ÇÑ µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­´Â ÀÔÀ» ²À ´Ù¹°°í °è¼Å¾ß ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: You failed to mention the reason for your husband's ambivalence about re-establishing a relationship with his sister. Now that she has found you on Facebook, she can follow his whole life, unless you block her. Whether you made a terrible mistake remains to be seen. If the sister contacts your husband again, you will have to tell him what you did. He may have wanted to protect his privacy. As long as she doesn't, I think you should keep your mouth shut.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* foster care À§Å¹ ¾çÀ° (= Foster care is a system in which a minor has been placed into a ward, group home, 
or private home of a state-certified caregiver, referred to as a "foster parent")  
e.g.) There needs to be recognition of the importance of long-term foster care. 
Àå±âÀûÀÎ À§Å¹ ¾çÀ°¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Á߿伺À» ÀνÄÇÒ ÇÊ¿ä°¡ ÀÖ´Ù. 
 
* live with ¼ö¿ëÇÏ´Ù, È­ÇÕÇÏ´Ù, ¿ë³³ÇÏ´Ù (= to accept; receive; acknowledge; tolerate) 
e.g.) I couldn't live with myself if I'd let him die. 
¸¸¾à ³»°¡ ±×¸¦ Á×°Ô ³»¹ö·ÁµÎ¾ú´Ù¸é, Àú´Â ÁËÃ¥°¨À¸·Î »ì ¼ö ¾ø¾úÀ» °Å¿¡¿ä.
 
* closure (Èûµç ÀÏÀÇ) Á¾·á[Á¾°á]  
e.g.) The conviction of their son's murderer helped to give them a sense of closure. 
ÀڽŵéÀÇ ¾ÆµéÀ» Á×ÀÎ ÀÚ¿¡°Ô ³»·ÁÁø À¯ÁË ÆÇ°áÀº ±×µé¿¡°Ô ¾î´À Á¤µµ ÀÏÀÌ Á¾°áµÇ¾ú´Ù´Â ±âºÐÀÌ µé°Ô Çß´Ù.
 
* reassure (somebody about something) ¾È½É½ÃÅ°´Ù 
They tried to reassure her, but she still felt anxious. ±×µéÀÌ ±×³à¸¦ ¾È½É½ÃÅ°·Á°í ¾Ö¸¦ ½èÁö¸¸ ±×³à´Â ¿©ÀüÈ÷ ºÒ¾ÈÇß´Ù.
 
* reach out to somebody ~¿¡°Ô °ü½ÉÀ» º¸ÀÌ´Ù[Á¢±ÙÇÏ´Ù] 
e.g.) The church needs to find new ways of reaching out to young people. 
±³È¸°¡ ÀþÀºÀ̵鿡°Ô Á¢±ÙÇÏ´Â »õ·Î¿î ¹æ¹ýµéÀ» ã¾Æ³¾ ÇÊ¿ä°¡ ÀÖ´Ù.
 
* ambivalence »ó¹ÝµÈ °¨Á¤, ¸ð¼ø, µ¿¿ä, ÁÖÀú 
e.g.) His ambivalence made it difficult for us to reach a decision. ±×ÀÇ ¿ìÀ¯ºÎ´ÜÇÔ ¶§¹®¿¡ ¿ì¸®´Â °áÁ¤À» ³»¸®±â°¡ ¾î·Á¿ü´Ù.