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[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-064) Mom facing surgery gets little support from son and his wife
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  19-04-21 04:35
Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù.

[Problem]

Àú´Â ½Ã¾ÖƲ¿¡¼­ Áß¿äÇÑ ¼ö¼úÀ» ¾ÕµÎ°í Àִµ¥, ÀÌ °÷¿¡¼­ Á¦ ¾Æµé°ú ¸ç´À¸®°¡ ÀúÀÇ ÁýÀ¸·ÎºÎÅÍ 2,000 ¸¶ÀÏ(3,219 ų·Î¹ÌÅÍ) ¶³¾îÁ® »ì°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù. ¼ö¼úÀ» ÇÑ ÈÄ¿¡ Àú´Â ȸº¹½Ç ¸é´ã ¾à¼Ó ¶§±îÁö 10Àϵ¿¾È ½Ã³»¿¡ ¸Ó¹°·¯¾ß¸¸ ÇÕ´Ï´Ù. ±×¸®°í ³ª¼­ Àú´Â ÁýÀ¸·Î ¿©ÇàÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â °ÍÀÌ Çã¿ëµÉ °ÍÀ̶ó »ý°¢ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.
I'm facing major surgery in Seattle, where my son and his wife live, 2,000 miles from my home. After the surgery, I must stay in town for 10 days until my post-op appointment. Then I'll be given the green light to travel home.

±× ±â°£ µ¿¾È Á¦ ¾ÆµéÀº ÇØ¿Ü¿¡ ³ª°¡ ÀÏÇÏ°í ÀÖÀ» °ÍÀÌ°í ¸ç´À¸®´Â ±×¸¦ µû¶ó °¥ °èȹÀÌ¿¡¿ä. ±×µéÀÇ Äܵµ°¡ ºñ¾î ÀÖÀ» °ÍÀ̱⠶§¹®¿¡ Àú´Â ³²Æí°ú Á¦°¡ ÀúÀÇ È¸º¹±â µ¿¾È¿¡ °Å±â¿¡ ¸Ó¹° ¼ö ÀÖ´ÂÁö ¹°¾ú½À´Ï´Ù. ¾ÆµéÀº ÀڽŵéÀÌ ½Ã³»¿¡ ÀÖÀ» ¶§¿¡´Â ÀúÈñ°¡ ±×°÷¿¡ ¸Ó¹«´Â °ÍÀÌ ¹Ý°©Áö¸¸, ±×µéÀÌ ¾øÀ» ¶§¿¡´Â ÀúÈñ°¡ ¹Ý°©Áö ¾Ê´Ù°í ¾Ë·Á¿Ô¾î¿ä.   
During that period, my son will be working overseas and his wife plans to join him. Because their condo will be empty, I asked if my husband and I could stay there during my recovery. My son informed us that while we are welcome to stay there when they're in town, we are not welcome when they aren't.

Á¦ ¾ÆµéÀº ÀúÈñ¿¡°Ô ÀÌ·± ÀÏÀ» °áÄÚ ÇÏÁö ¾ÊÀ» °Ì´Ï´Ù. Àú´Â ±×°ÍÀÌ ¸ç´À¸®·ÎºÎÅÍ ³ª¿Ô´Ù°í »ý°¢ÇØ¿ä. ¶ÇÇÑ ±×¿Í °°Àº ¿äûÀÌ ¸¸ÀÏ ÀÚ½ÅÀÇ Ä£Á¤¾î¸Ó´Ï·ÎºÎÅÍ ¿Â °ÍÀ̶ó¸é, ±×³à´Â »ý°¢ÇØ º¼ °Íµµ ¾øÀÌ ´çÀå ȯ¿µ ¹ÞÀ» °ÍÀ̶ó°í »ý°¢ÇÕ´Ï´Ù. 
My son would never do this to us. I know it came from his wife. I also know that if the request were from HER mother, she'd be welcome in a heartbeat.

Àú´Â ¾ÆµéºÎºÎ¿¡°Ô ±×Àú ³Ê±×·¯¿üÀ¸¸ç Áö¿øÇϱ⸸ ÇßÀ» »ÓÀÔ´Ï´Ù. ÀúÈñ´Â °ÔÀ¸¸§¹ðÀÌ°¡ ¾Æ´Ï¸ç ±×°÷ÀÌ ÀúÈñµé °ÍÀÎ ¾ç µ¹º¸¾ÒÀ» °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù. Àú´Â ±×³É ÀÌÇØÇÒ ¼ö°¡ ¾ø¾î¿ä. Á¦°¡ ¾î¶»°Ô ¹ÝÀÀÇØ¾ß Çϳª¿ä? Á¦°¡ ¾î¶»°Ô ¸»ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ°Ú¾î¿ä? ¸ç´À¸®´Â ¾ÆµéÀ» ±×ÀÇ ÀϺΠģ±¸µéÇÑÅ×¼­µµ °í¸³½ÃÄÑ¿Ô½À´Ï´Ù. - ¾Ë¶ó½ºÄ« ÁÖ¿¡¼­ ¸¶À½ÀÌ ¾ÆÇ µ¶ÀÚ  
I have been nothing but generous and supportive of them. We aren't slobs and would care for the place as if it were our own. I just don't understand. How do I react? What can I say? My son's wife has isolated him from some of his friends, too. - ACHING IN ALASKA

[Advice]

¸¶À½ÀÌ ÆíÂúÀ¸½Å µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²: µ¶ÀÚ´ÔÀÇ ½Ç¸ÁÀº ÀÌÇØÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖÁö¸¸, ¹ÝÀÀÀ» º¸ÀÌ´Â ¹æ¹ýÀº ¾Æµå´Ô¿¡°Ô µ¶ÀÚ´Ô²²¼­ ½Ç¸ÁÇß´Ù´Â °Í°ú ȸº¹Çϱâ À§ÇÑ Àå¼Ò¸¦ ´Þ¸® ÁغñÇÒ °ÍÀ̶ó°í ¸»¾¸Çϼ¼¿ä. Àú´Â ¸ç´À´ÔÀÌ ¾Æµå´ÔÀ» Ä£±¸µéÇÑÅ×¼­ °í¸³½ÃÄÑ¿ÔÀ¸¸ç, ½Ã¾î¸Ó´Ï¿Í ½Ã¾Æ¹öÁö¿¡°Ôµµ ¶È°°ÀÌ ÇÒ °Í °°´Ù°í Áö±Ý ´çÀå ÁöÀûÇÏ´Â °ÍÀº µµ¿òÀÌ µÉ °Å¶ó°í »ý°¢Áö ¾Ê½À´Ï´Ù. ¸¸ÀÏ ¾Æµå´ÔÀÌ ÀÌ¹Ì ¾ËÁö ¸øÇÏ°í ÀÖ´Ù¸é, ½Ã°£ÀÌ Áö³­ ÈÄ ½º½º·Î ±×°ÍÀ» ¾Ë¾Æ³¾ °ÍÀÔ´Ï´Ù.
DEAR ACHING: Your disappointment is understandable, but the way to react is to tell your son that you are disappointed and you will make other arrangements for a place to recuperate. I don't think it would be helpful right now to point out that his wife has isolated him from his friends and appears to be doing the same with his mother and dad. He will figure that out for himself in time, if he doesn't already know.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* post-op (Çü¿ë»ç) ¼ö¼ú ÈÄÀÇ, (¸í»ç) ¼ö¼ú ÈÄ È¸º¹½Ç(º´µ¿) (= postoperative)
 
* green light (»ç¾÷ µî¿¡ ´ëÇÑ) Çã°¡[½ÂÀÎ] 
e.g.) The government has decided to give the green light to the plan. Á¤ºÎ°¡ ±× °èȹÀ» ½ÂÀÎÇϱâ·Î °áÁ¤Çß´Ù.
 
* in a heartbeat »ý°¢ÇØ º¼ °Íµµ ¾øÀÌ ´çÀå 
e.g.) If I was offered another job, I'd leave in a heartbeat. ³»°¡ ´Ù¸¥ Á÷ÀåÀ» Á¦ÀÇ ¹Þ´Â´Ù¸é »ý°¢ÇØ º¼ °Íµµ ¾øÀÌ ´çÀå ¶°³ª°Ú´Ù.
 
* nothing but ¿ÀÁ÷; ±×Àú[´ÜÁö] ~ÀÏ »ÓÀΠ
e.g.) When we think of it, life is nothing but a dream. »ý°¢°Ç´ë ÀλýÀº ²Þ¿¡ Áö³ªÁö ¾Ê´Â´Ù. 
 
* slob (ºñ°Ý½Ä, ¸ø¸¶¶¥ÇÔ) (ÁöÀúºÐÇÑ) °ÔÀ¸¸§¹ðÀÌ 
e.g.) Get out of bed, you fat slob! ħ´ë¿¡¼­ ÀϾ, ÀÌ °ÔÀ¸¸§¹ðÀÌ ¶×º¸¾ß!
 
* recuperate (from something) (°Ç°­, ¿ø±â¸¦) ȸº¹ÇÏ´Ù[µÇã´Ù] 
e.g.) He's still recuperating from his operation. ±×´Â ¼ö¼úÀ» ¹Þ°í ¾ÆÁ÷µµ ȸº¹ ÁßÀÌ´Ù.
 
* figure out (»ý°¢ÇÑ ³¡¿¡) ~À» ÀÌÇØÇÏ´Ù[¾Ë¾Æ³»´Ù] 
e.g.) We couldn't figure her out. ¿ì¸®´Â ±×³à¸¦ ÀÌÇØÇÒ ¼ö°¡ ¾ø¾ú´Ù.