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[Debate/Åä·Ð] (HM-069) Boy£§s threats of suicide are more than girl can deal with alone
ÃÖ°í°ü¸®ÀÚ  |  19-06-09 00:43
Çѱ¹¾î·Î µÈ ¹®Á¦¸¦ º¸¸é¼­, ¿µ¾î·Î´Â ¾î¶»°Ô Ç¥ÇöÀÌ µÇ´ÂÁö¸¦ »ý°¢ÇØ º¸¼¼¿ä.
¿ø¾î¹ÎÀÇ Ç¥Çö°ú, Çѱ¹ »ç¶÷µéÀÌ ÈçÈ÷ »ý°¢ÇÒ ¼ö Àִ ǥÇöÀÇ Â÷À̸¦ º¸¸é¼­
»ì¾Æ Àִ ǥÇö, ¶Ñ·ÇÇÑ ÀÇ»ç Àü´ÞÀÇ ±â¼úÀ» ¹è¿ì½Ã±æ ¹Ù¶ø´Ï´Ù. 16-12-28

[Problem]

Àú´Â µÎ ´Þ°¡®µ¥·º¡¯°ú ¿¬¾ÖÁßÀÌ¿¡¿ä. ÀúÈñ´Â µÑ ´Ù 14»ìÀÌ°í, »ç±Í±â Àü±îÁö ºÒ±ÔÄ¢ÇÑ °ü°è¸¦ À̾î¿À°í ÀÖ¾ú¾î¿ä.
I've been with "Derek" for two months. We're both 14, and had an on-and-off friendship before it started.

µ¥·ºÀº (¿ì¿ïÁõ°ú ºÒ¾ÈÀå¾Ö µîÀÇ) Á¤½Åº´·ÂÀ» °®°í ÀÖ¾î¿ä. ÃÖ±Ù µé¾î µ¥·ºÀº ´ëÇÐ ÁøÇп¡ ´ëÇÑ À̾߱â»Ó¸¸ÀÌ ¾Æ´Ï¶ó °áÈ¥¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­µµ À̾߱âÇϱ⠽ÃÀÛÇß¾î¿ä. ±× ¾ÆÀÌ´Â Àú¿¡°Ô ½Ãµµ ¶§µµ ¾øÀÌ Á¦°¡ ¾ó¸¶³ª¡®¿Ïº®¡¯ÇÏ°í¡®ÁÁÀº »ç¶÷¡¯ÀÎÁö¿¡ ´ëÇØ ¾Ë¶û°Å·Á¿ä. ±×·¯´Â °úÁ¤¿¡¼­ µ¥·ºÀº Àú¿Í ºñ±³ÇÏ¿© ÀÚ½ÅÀÌ¡®¿¬¾àÇÏ¸ç ¸ø»ý°å°í, ¸ÛûÇÑ¡¯»ç¶÷À̶ó°í À̾߱âÇϸç ÀÚ±â ÀÚ½ÅÀ» ¿ÏÀüÈ÷ ºñÇÏÇØ¿ä.
Derek has a history of mental illness (including depression and anxiety). Lately, he has started talking about things like college plans and even marriage. He flatters me nonstop and says repeatedly how "perfect" and "goddess-like" I am, completely degrading himself in the process. He says he is "weak, stupid and ugly" compared to me.

Àú´Â ÀÌ ¾ÆÀÌ¿Í Çì¾îÁö±âµµ ¹«¼­¿ö¿ä. µ¥·ºÀº °ú°Å¿¡ ¸î Â÷·Ê³ª ÀÚ»ì ½Ãµµ¸¦ Çß¾ú°í, Àú¿Í Çì¾îÁö¸é ÀÚ»ìÇÏ°Ú´Ù°í ¾Ï½Ã¸¦ Áֱ⵵ Çß¾ú¾î¿ä. ±×·¯ÇÑ Á¡µéÀ» ¶°¿Ã¸®¸é µ¥·º¿¡°Ô ¸»Á¶Â÷ ²¨³»±â°¡ ¹«¼­¿ö¿ä.
I'm afraid to dump him because Derek has attempted suicide several times in the past and has hinted at doing it again if I do. I can't say the words to him with that hanging over me.

µ¥·ºÀÇ ºÎ¸ð´ÔÀº ¿¬¶ôÁ¶Â÷ ´êÁö ¾Ê°í ÀÖ°í ±× ¾ÆÀÌ´Â ÀÌ¹Ì ¾à¹° Ä¡·á¸¦ ¹Þ°í ÀÖ¾î¿ä. µ¥·ºÀº °ú°Å¿¡ »ó´ãµµ °ÅºÎÇß¾î¿ä. Àú´Â Á¤¸» ¹«¼­¿ö¿ä. ÇÏÁö¸¸ ÀÌ °ü°è¸¦ ´õ ÀÌ»ó Áö¼Ó½Ãų ¼öµµ ¾øÀ» °Í °°¾Æ¿ä. Á¶¾ðÇØ Áֽðھî¿ä? - ¿À¸®°ï¿¡¼­ µÎ·Á¿ò¿¡ ¶³°í ÀÖ´Â ÀÌ°¡
His parents are unreachable, and he's already on medication. Derek has refused counseling in the past. I'm really afraid, but I can't stand staying in this relationship much longer. Thoughts? - AFRAID IN OREGON

[Advice]

µÎ·Á¿ò¿¡ ¶³°í ÀÖ´Â ÀÌ¿¡°Ô: ¸¸¾à µ¥·º¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­, ±×¸®°í µ¥·ºÀÇ °¨Á¤Àû °ø°¥¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­ º»ÀÎÀÇ ºÎ¸ð´Ô°ú ¾ÆÁ÷ À̾߱âÇغ¸Áö ¾Ê¾Ò´Ù¸é ´çÀå Çϼ¼¿ä. µ¶ÀÚºÐÀº µ¥·ºÀÇ ¾È³ç¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­ ¾Æ¹«·± Ã¥ÀÓÀ» °®°í ÀÖÁö ¾Ê¾Æ¿ä. ±× ¾ÆÀÌÀÇ ºÎ¸ð´ÔÀ̶ó¸é ¸ð¸¦±î¿ä. µ¥·ºÀº Áö±Ý ÀÚ½ÅÀÌ ¹Þ°í ÀÖ´Â µµ¿òº¸´Ù ´õ Àü¹®ÀûÀÎ µµ¿òÀ» ÇÊ¿ä·Î ÇÏ´Â °Í °°¾Æ¿ä. µ¥·º¿¡°Ô ´ëÇÐ ÁøÇаú °°ÀÌ ±àÁ¤ÀûÀÎ °Íµé¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­ »ý°¢Ç϶ó°í µ¶·ÁÇØ ÁÖ¼¼¿ä. ±×·¯¸é¼­µµ »ç¿¬À» º¸³»ÁֽŠºÐÀº ¾ÆÁ÷ º»ÀÎÀÌ °áÈ¥°ú °°ÀÌ ¿µ±¸ÀûÀÌ°í µ¶Á¡ÀûÀÎ °ü°è¿¡ ´ëÇؼ­ °áÁ¤Çϱ⿡´Â ³Ê¹« ¾î¸®´Ù´Â °ÍÀ» ¾Ë·ÁÁÖ¼¼¿ä. ±×°Å¸é µÅ¿ä. ÀÏ´Ü ºÎ¸ð´ÔÀÌ ÇöÀçÀÇ »óȲÀ» ¾Ë°Ô µÇ¸é µ¶ÀÚºÐÀ» ÀüÀûÀ¸·Î Áö¿øÇØ ÁÖ½Ç °Å¶ó È®½ÅÇØ¿ä.
DEAR AFRAID: If you haven't spoken to your parents about Derek and his emotional blackmail, do it immediately. You are not responsible for his welfare -- his family is. Derek appears to be in need of more professional help than he is receiving. Encourage him to think about positive things like college, but tell him you are too young for any kind of permanent exclusive relationship. Period. Once your parents know what's going on, I'm sure they will back you up 100 percent.

[¾îÈÖ & Ç¥Çö]

* on-and-off ¶§¶§·Î, ºÒ±ÔÄ¢ÇÏ°Ô
e.g.) visit there on-and-off °¡²û ±× °÷À» ã¾Æ°¡´Ù

* flatter ¾Ë¶û°Å¸®´Ù

* on medication ¾à¹° Ä¡·á ÁßÀÎ, Åõ¾à ÁßÀÎ

* exclusive µ¶Á¡ÀûÀÎ